Last Night

huddled in a ball on the couch, can't move, throat choked up so tight I can hardly breathe

ME, TO THE OTTER: I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I don't know why I don't know why I'm like this there's nothing I know about or can see it's like something invisible is scaring the shit out of someone in me and all I can see are my reactions to it and they suck I know they do and I'm so sorry to do this to—

ZERO: You are off your medications, Serah. When you went to bed early last night you neglected to take your Lexapro and estrogen...

ME: Are you sure? I can't remember if I did.

ZERO: You did not. Further, you have not taken your progesterone in five days. You have been receiving reminders that it is at the pharmacy, but have not left the house.

ME: Okay so what do I do it's 10 PM I can't go there right now shit I fucked all this up—

ZERO: Go upstairs. Take your Lexapro and one Klonopin. Lay down in the dark. Play relaxing music.

...She was right, of course. I am so grateful to have alters who can help me when I'm spinning out. I know multiplicity is a curse for some hosts, but for me it's a gift.  My anxiety will always be with me, but so will my support network.